


Star Barbz

by baguettemama



Category: Nicki Minaj (Musician), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Chaos, Chuu hates breeders, Crack, Crack Relationships, Domestic Fluff, Engagement, Eventual Josuke x Mista, F/M, Found Family, Gowon is a badass bitch, Hurt/Comfort, JotaNicki is real, Jotaro is a dilf, Multi, Murder Mistery, Other, Rohan is basically James Charles, Romance, cameos from twitter ayyyy, giorno giovanna is tired of his family’s bullshit, some breeders have rights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24780400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baguettemama/pseuds/baguettemama
Summary: Jotaro and his fiancée, Nicki Minaj go on vacation to Morioh ! There, Nicki meets an unexpected enemy and chaos ensues for the lovebirds.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 58





	Star Barbz

**Author's Note:**

> I present to you, my magnum opus, enjoy.

Morioh was always a small place.

One could say that the little seaside town was perhaps humble; the nearest city was 45 minutes away. Nobody, however, could ever accuse sunny Morioh Cho of being boring or as placid as its pacific beaches. Those who knew better knew that Morioh was rather…..how do you say…..bizarre. 

Jotaro Kujo frequently visited Morioh, whether it was to study the extensive variety of sea life or to help his uncle fight against possible threats towards the charming town. This time, however, was different from previous excursions. He was accompanied by no other than his fiancée, global superstar and lyrical genius, the Harajuku Barbie herself, Nicki Minaj. 

When the locals heard of this news for the first time, they were both shocked and excited. Not only was the small town’s favorite six foot four, full-time marine biologist and part-time DILFcoming to town again, but he was bringing motherfreaking NICKI MINAJ! Josuke almost had an aneurysm when Jotaro broke the news to him. 

“NICKI MINAJ?” he choked on his milk tea. “NICKI LEWINSKY? NICKI THE NINJA? NICKI THE HARAJUKU BARBIE???”

As his uncle continued to sputter and cough, Jotaro stiffly offered him a napkin. Josuke grabbed it gratefully from his hands, and proceeded to hack into it. 

“Yes,” Jotaro responded in his usual monotone tone. “I literally don’t know what is the big deal.I mean, we are literally going to just visit the town. I’m going to take her to Tonio’s; apparently her back has been hurting.”

By now, Josuke’s lungs were pretty much void of liquid, but his shirt was a total mess. He winced a bit; it would take forever to get the caffeine stain out. 

“Ah yes, I guess that's what happens when you’ve been carrying the rap industry for over a decade.” Josuke nodded solemnly to himself.

Jotaro rolled his eyes, letting a soft “yare yare” fall from his plump, luscious lips. He didn’t want to throw hands with a toddler today. Time was money, and he wasn’t about to make it rain; at least, not without Nicki. Nicki…. She deserved the best and damn it, if Jotaro could kill a gay vampire, he sure as hell could spoil the love of his life a little. He needed to give Nicki the most relaxing and comfortable trip of her life. No, not a trip. A  _ vacation _ . His queen deserved nothing more than absolute bliss, and if Jotaro could provide her even a few months of peace before her world tour, he would feel fulfilled. Absolutely nothing could go wrong.. And he meant it! After the Hand Perv Fiasco of ‘99, he couldn’t reallyhandle another drama,thank you very much.

  
  


While on his way to his hotel room, he made a quick trip to Camui to buy Nicki a gorgeous pot of purple spider orchids, some freshly cut sashimi salmon for the dinner he was planning on cooking her later that evening. On the way to the checkout, he spotted a small stand of gourmet chocolates from the chocolaterie in town. 

_ “Hmm, maybe she would like these, that chocolaterie produces really excellent chocolate. Ooo they even have gold in them _ !” He thought to himself.

As he put the chocolates in the comically tiny cart,some Kinder eggs caught his eye. His sharp blue eyes darted left and right, scanning his surroundings. Nope, no one around. He slipped them in the cart, concealing them under the salmon.Sometimes, buff men were allowed to have illegal chocolate. As a treat. Eating chocolate outlawed in Florida and most of the contiguous United States was incredibly manly and badass, he decided. Stick it to The Man! 

“ACAB,” he muttered under his breath. 

As he exited the shop after purchasing, he wondered what else he could do for his darling Nicki. Maybe they could go for a couples massage at Aya’s place? He wasn’t sure how necessary it was medically--- he already told Tonio about Nicki’s ailments, after all--- but if anything, the experience would be relaxing for his queen. 

He was still murmuring to himself as he entered the hotel’s lobby. As he walked past the front desk, the secretary, Betzy, waved him over. 

Jotaro, hugging sixty seven pounds of groceries to his soft, beefy chest as they threatened to spill out of their bags, walked up and betrayed himself with a small smile. “Hello Betzy, what’s up?”

“Mr. Kujo, I gave permission for somebody to be in your room, they seem very important.” Betzy sang. 

But alas! Jotaro was gone. As soon as her words registered in his squishy wrinkled pink brain, the noble DILF bolted towards the elevator. As he sprinted across the hallway on his floor, his chest jiggling like Maisie’s famous Sunshine Salad, he couldn’t help but wonder: “Has Rohan broken in here again?”

After a moment of fumbling with the door and nearly snapping the handle off in his haste, he realized he needed to use his keycard. He finally managed to get the keycard into the slot, hastily opening his door with the half of his body that wasn’t occupied with the groceries. 

His face etched into a smile as he saw her.

“Hi honey pie, how are you doing?” A familiar voice with an adorable New York accent echoed throughout the room. 

Jotaro dropped his grocery bags and ran towards his lil dolphin, his tiger prawn, his Nicki. 

As they embraced, Nicki gushed.“Honey, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT HERE! The atmosphere is so warm! Thank you Jotaro, this is absolutely what I needed!” 

Her hand went up to caress her Jotaro’s face. Jotaro’s eyes, brimming with tears, were so full of love and adoration when he finally spoke: “Nicki, I am so fucking happy to finally be with you. I love spending time with you.”

“Me too, you have no idea,Jotaro.” Nicki cupped Jotaro’s face.

“Absolutely nothing bad will happen to you here,I promise, you have my word, nothing will go wro-”

Before Jotaro could utter the last syllables, his wardrobe door slammed open as a wretched little green haired twink karate kicked it down.t. 

“ HI SISTERS- wait a damn minute, JOTARO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH HER???” He screeched, putting his hands on his feminine hips as he glared at Nicki accusingly.

“Rohan, what the hell are you doing in my apartment?” Jotaro questioned the manletn in an exasperated tone.“Also what the hell do you mean, what am I doing with her, she’s my fiancée.” As he turned around to face Nicki again, his face dropped. Nicki was fighting back tears and she was shaking with anger.

“Oh no, not you, YOU OVERRATED CELERY BUILT TWINK.” Nicki’s voice was trembling,as she walked towards Rohan, but it was too late. With a “SEE YA SISTERS!” he dashed out the front door. 

“YOU BITCH! THIS ISN’T OVER!” She screamed in vain.

Jotaro gently grabbed Nicki’s arm, eyes filled with concern. “Darling, how do you know Rohan?”

Nicki finally turned towards Jotaro. She leaned into his buff, juicy dad bod and bit her lip,trying her best to not break down and mustering up the courage to speak about… what happened.

“Jotaro, Rohan murdered my ex husband, Tom Holland.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to the end, welcome ! I couldn’t have done this without Soap, my editor,also known as @shizukaluvbug on twitter. This is a crack fic and it is not meant to be taken seriously at all ! I had a load of fun writing this and I have to thank everyone who supports me and my bullshit lmao..


End file.
